


The End is not the Answer

by Shierusowl



Series: Red Hair and Specs, How Fun [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Based off a Three Days Grace Song, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shierusowl/pseuds/Shierusowl
Summary: After a rough day of work hunting, when a hunt has gone wrong, Honoria considers suicide due to her failure to protect Ignis and her best friend from injury. Ignis follows, ready to comfort her.





	The End is not the Answer

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Ignis/OC (Honoria)
> 
> word count: 1437
> 
> Warnings: Suicide attempt, mild blood
> 
> Suggested listening: The End is not the Answer- Three Days Grace and Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
> 
> Read on Tumblr at http://owldearest.tumblr.com/post/170763930917/the-end-is-not-the-answer

Honoria sat alone, twirling her hunting knife in her hand. Normally, she only used it to skin beasts for their meals, but after her _failures_ earlier in the day… she didn’t deserve to be a part of the group.

No, she didn’t deserve to live. Tonight, her knife would serve a different purpose.

Her bad planning on that hunt almost got not one, but 2 members of the group she cared so much about killed. The red-head nearly watched her best friend, her _sister_ , bleed out on the ground in front of her, barely enough energy to call for a phoenix down, no mana left to heal herself or another. Honoria nearly saw the man she had grown so fond of, whom she had started to feel things she wasn’t totally ready to acknowledge for, fall when a Bandersnatch's mate suddenly appeared, tail furiously sweeping at the bespectacled man. It caught him across the chest, blood splashing onto the ground in front of her.

She should’ve accounted for that. She should have known that there would be a mate. She should have been faster in rectifying the issues. She shouldn’t have gotten them hurt.  She was a Curatrix. She vowed she’d…

She laughed sardonically as she thought of what she promised she’d be, ever since she discovered the meaning of her family’s surname. Curatrix, Guardian… A promise to protect those she cared about…

_Yeah, right. Failing my name and breaking my promise yet again. Go me._

She pressed the blade to her neck, feeling the sharp bite of the metal against the thin skin. A little more pressure and a pull, then hopefully, she’d be gone. Hopefully, she’d bleed out before anyone even noticed she was gone.  She pressed a little harder, then pulled the blade away, stabbing it into the ground in disgust. Why couldn’t she do it? Why couldn’t she slit her own throat? Why? Why? _Why?_

She heard footsteps behind her. She sighed. Of course, someone noticed. Why couldn’t she just die in peace? Why couldn’t she just be alone, left to fail only herself? Why did they have to make her face her own failures every day?

Why couldn’t she be perfect?

“Honoria? Are you alright?” The cultured voice asked, standing some ways back. If she was this unsettled, he didn’t know what she’d do if he were to reach out to her, as desperately as he wanted to do so. He watched her shoulders shake, knowing that she had to be holding back sobs. Honoria letting anyone see her cry when she was completely sober? Preposterous.

“I’m fine.” She replied coldly, doing her best to hide the thickness clutching her throat.

Ignis sighed at her response. Why couldn’t this bullheaded woman admit that she needed someone to talk to?

“People who are “fine” don’t hold knives to their own throats, Honoria.” He stated, stepping forward and joining her on the ground. He sat near her knife, ready to grab it if she tried again. She was a member of their little group, and if he had his way, they wouldn’t be losing anyone tonight.

“Y-you saw, huh?” Honoria said, embarrassment entering her voice. Ignis merely nodded in response.

They sat together for a time, staring out at the river before them. Ignis looked at her, seeing the sadness still crossing her features before he broke the silence.

“You know, we’d all miss you if you were gone: Noct, Prom, Gladio, and I. Not to mention Ahnya, Ellie, and Valariya.”

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed, “I’m just a failure who does nothing but annoy you and everyone else. I don’t deserve any of your sympathy.”

“If you were gone, who’d take care of Ellie and Ahnya?”

“They took care of themselves long before they met me,” she sighed, “Besides, they have Vee. She can watch over them.”

“What about Noct? He considers you a good friend, you know.”

“He has you and everyone else.”

“What about your family?” Ignis trailed off, seeing a new sheen to Honoria’s eyes as soon as the sentence left his lips. He watched fresh tears roll down her cheeks and heard the sob tear itself from her chest.

“The only family I cared about is dead, and what’s left would rather I not exist.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t decided to stay just to, what’s the phrase you always use, “Piss in their cereal” as it were.” Ignis replied, a gentle smile turning up his mouth as Honoria let out a chuckle.

“Still… I should just give up. I’m a failure,” Honoria sighed, resignation overtaking her brief joy. Ignis looked worriedly at her for a moment before summoning a dagger in a flash of light.

“Well, if you’re giving up, then I guess I should too.”

“What?! No! Iggy, Noctis and everyone needs you!” She exclaimed, trying to knock the dagger from his grasp.

“But, following your logic, because Noct, Prompto, and Gladio have gotten injured many times for doing what I’ve told them, then I must be a horrible failure as well.” He stood up smoothly, dancing out of her reach. Honoria did as he expected, standing and following, trying to get his dagger out of his hand, “Besides, I still can’t get Noct to eat properly.”

“Ignis, you’re wrong! You’re not a failure. You can cook the most gourmet of dishes while on the road 24/7, everyone loves you, you’ve never steered any of us wrong. You’re perfect.” Honoria stopped, her head turning toward the ground as she spoke. “You’re perfect…”

“That’s the core of the issue, isn’t it?”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about. “

Ignis dismissed his dagger, moving to stand in front of her and resting his hands on her shoulders.

“Norie, look at me. You and I are different people. You can’t compare yourself to me. Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve dealt with the girls for so long.” Honoria looked at him. “You’re as important to the girls as Noct is to me.”

“but…”

“No buts, just listen.” Ignis shushed. “Ellie and I are fine. We didn’t die, our injuries were healed with a potion. This, slitting your own throat, it isn’t the answer to anything.”

“But then there’d be one less person holding the group back.”

“But, we would be mourning the loss of a friend. Did you think about that?”

“You wouldn’t care.”

Ignis sighed in exasperation, “Honoria Curatrix, would I be here talking to you if I didn’t care? Do I seem the kind of man to do that?”

“You’d do whatever Noct or the other’s asked you to do.”

“Nobody asked me to do this, Norie.” His voice softened. Honoria looked into his eyes expecting to see his usual expressionless gaze, something to show her that he was lying, show her that he didn’t care. It was to her shock that she saw nothing but his desperation. His desperation to keep her alive, safe, and return her to the group where she belonged.

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, stepping forward to rest her head against his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her holding her close as she began to cry again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He replied, rubbing up and down her back to soothe her, “Just, next time, come to Ellie or I or any of us. You’re a friend and comrade, Honoria. We care about you.”

He bit back the words that tried to follow. _I care about you._

Her own arms found their way around his waist pulling him tightly against her as her body was wracked with sobs, sobs for the people she’d lost, people she’d failed, sobs for those she’d gotten hurt or had to hurt, sobs for her name, for the failure of what it meant.

“Come now, let us return to camp.” He tried to pull away, stopping when Honoria caught his hand.

“Please.” She whispered, squeezing it lightly. Without physical contact with someone, she felt she’d fall. He nodded his assent, squeezing back as comfortingly as he could. Honoria gazed up at him with a teary smile. “Thank you.”

“Never a problem, Norie.” He gave her one of his rare smiles, tender affection—Friendship, Honoria told herself, shining in his eyes. “Now, come on. Let’s try to get Noct to eat some vegetables, shall we?”

She nodded her approval, walking side-by-side with him to the others, feeling lighter than she had in weeks.

 Curatrix, guardian, one who protects. That was her name, but…

_Maybe she_ _’s the one who needed a guardian. Maybe, just maybe, she_ _’d found one in Ignis Scientia._


End file.
